Win Zee Writes Stuff

holding back

by Zee

slurpnoodles

there’s a part of me that knows why it’s so hard to get over this mental block.

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Check out the new blog!

by Zee

I shan’t be using WP as my blogging platform as I want to have a more flexible platform i.e. allows me to have more personalisation with my layout! Hence check out the new blog:

Win Zee Writes Stuff @ Blogger

Cheers!

Bucket list – and then something else

by Zee

Bucket list?

I figured that by creating a bucket list I will be more focused in life.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my past way back to my childhood (nah nothing tragic), things that I have and have not done. Mostly about things I haven’t done, and now probably would be a little bit difficult to complete; such as:

  • Going for gymnastic class when I was still a child!
  • Clubbing
  • Working holiday
  • Travel more with uni mates while still in uni
  • Be less shy
  • Get a more useful and relatable job experience. Obviously this was never in my plan.

Depression kicked in when I reflected on all these lost opportunities, especially when my social network feeds are filled with pictures of people completing my (invisible) bucket list :(

So I figured perhaps creating a bucket list might get me focused in life, and I did create one.

Except it didn’t give me the result I expected.

I had 20 or so items on my list, mostly travel- or adventure-related. Getting rich is not one of them, but perhaps would make crossing off these items much easier. What popped in my mind was: what’s next?

After I’ve trod the globe – what’s next?

Even if I travel intermittently (the most plausible scenario), what will I be doing between travels? Will I live in constant anxiety and unhappiness, while waiting for another travel stint to start? Would I keep wondering if I should’ve sold all my unnecessary belongings and buy a one-way ticket to paradise N years ago?

My last travel 2 months ago made me think about my purpose of travelling. It was the lack of satisfaction that triggered my thinking process. For every travel that I made, that excitement, that ‘high’ will only stick around for a short while – at most 2 weeks – and then your tank is drained empty and you wish to embark a new journey.

There are, however, that many places that one can go in a lifetime – and when you have ticked off all your must-go places, where are you left?

And then to that pressing question: what do I want to achieve in this life?

Am I complicating the bucket list? :S

*

I have stumbled upon this great to-do concept in an article – have someone, be it somebody you know or a stranger you have striked a conversation with, to give you a challenge to complete. In that piece of article, the author did not require these people to give him a deadline; however, he has to complete the tasks no matter what, and does not have to do it chronologically (i.e. from the first to-do).

I can’t find back that article anymore, it was such an inspiration for me – this is a wonderful way to broaden your horizon and be more open to new concepts.

It is perhaps time for me to start!

*

This quarter life crisis has been persisting since 2 years ago. I have just begun reading Finding Your Element: How To Discover Your Talents and Passions and Transform Your Life by Ken Robinson, a companion read to The Element, also by the same author. I would desperately need a guidance in this inner journey; I suck at asking deep questions nor organising my thoughts!

Grow up quick, things will get better when you’re older. 快快长,长大就好了。

by Zee

I had not expected The Golden Era to last more than 2.5 hours. I was late for my appointment. My butt was sore from sitting.

At the very beginning we were told how long (in a way) the movie will last – in a haunting, almost deja vu-like black and white portrayal of Xiao Hong 萧红 (Tang Wei 汤唯), she told us she was born in 1911 and died in 1942.

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Instead of the usual timeline (be it linear, parallel or just jumping around), the director Ann Hui 许鞍华 took an experimental approach to shoot in a documentary style, her past lovers, friends and acquaintances looked straight into the camera to give a narrative of Xiao Hong’s life.

If this movie was shot as objective as it was, then I believe this narrative style somehow portrays how private and lonely Xiao Hong was. Many details of her personal lives were not depicted, either they chose not to disclose them; or that they really didn’t know her that well after all.

And also, perhaps due to this reason, I did not feel any sense of involvement in her life, as if I am watching a disaster unfolding on TV news. It was so distant: I could not feel what Xiao Hong was feeling – when she left her family; when she was abandoned by the first 2 men in her life; when her second child died of “convulsions”; nor could I know her as a real human instead of just knowing the events in her life.

Xiao Hong was born in Heilongjiang province in a traditional Chinese landowner household, not a happy family, it seemed. Her grandpa told her that things will get better when she grew up.

快快长,长大就好了。

A free-spirit who strongly believed in her literary passion despite restrictions and limitations – she would fit very well in today’s modern society; but definitely be scorned during her time. Xiao Hong loved freely and she wrote freely. It seemed as if she had a no-strings-attached life – but she was trapped in her own emotions, dominated by her feelings. I figured she might not even be able to take good care of herself well if not for her partners at that time.

That trait of her is, perhaps, the reason why she is able to write prose with such attention to details and emotions that could only come from a sensitive soul.

“我很奇怪作为一个作家的她,为什么会那样少于世故,大概女人都容易保有纯洁和幻想,或者也就同时显得有些稚嫩和软弱的缘故吧。” ——丁玲《风雨中忆萧红》

The movie placed focus on her romantic life with very few mentions of her literary works. What we could gather are only bits and pieces of her works that was narrated throughout the movie.

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太阳在院子里是特大的,天空是特别高的,太阳的光芒四射,亮得使人睁不开眼睛,亮得蚯蚓不敢钻出地面来,蝙蝠不敢从什么黑暗的地方飞出来。是凡在太阳下的,都是健康的、漂亮的,拍一拍连大树都会发响的,叫一叫就是站在对面的土墙都会回答似的。
花开了,就像花睡醒了似的。鸟飞了,就像鸟上天了似的。虫子叫了,就像虫子在说话似的。一切都活了。都有无限的本领,要做什么,就做什么。要怎么样,就怎么样。都是自由的。矮瓜愿意爬上架就爬上架,愿意爬上房就爬上房。黄瓜愿意开一个黄花就开一个黄花,愿意结一个黄瓜就结一个黄瓜。若都不愿意,就是一个黄瓜也不结,一朵花,也没有人问它似的。玉米愿意长多高就长多高,他若愿意长上天去,也没有人管。蝴蝶随意的飞,一会从墙头上飞来一对黄蝴蝶,一会又从墙头上飞走了一个白蝴蝶。它们是从谁家来的,又飞到谁家去?太阳也不知道这个、
只是天空蓝悠悠的,又高又远。