Antonio Carlos Jobim – Anos Duorados
Referring to the title of this post: do you know which is the singer, which is the song title? Haha! :P
Yesterday was a combination of tiredness, emoness, anger, hatred, 2 different kinds of love, protectiveness, grateful. If someone were to create a flavour of ice-cream based on this combo of feelings, it should taste bittersweet. Maybe espresso for the bitterness with rum & raisins for a teeny hint of sweetness?
Every time I’m feeling more emotional than usual (be it positive or negative feelings), I analyse the reason it made me react this way. So it’s like, you’re laughing like hyena and part of your brain is thinking, why am I laughing like a hyena? what tickled my funny bone? what kind of funny is that – witty, lame…? with whom should I share this joke with?
Or imagine you’re crying like an emo punk girl, black eyeliner flowing down your cheek, and part of your brain is thinking, why am I crying like shxt here? does anyone know this? do I need some comfort? why am I crying – is it because I care, or I love, or I’m insulted, or that I’m wrong, or…? is it right for me to cry? does it mean that I’m weak? should I tell anyone about this?
So, eh, being emotional can be slightly awkward for me because my Self is not 100% into that emotion; my brain is still functioning as usual or even more active wtf.
But then, I don’t like to be so neutral either. I feel so dead ._. being “OK la” with everything. It’s like, drinking your second favourite Chatime beverage, and it brings happiness to you; but the mildness of it prevents you from announcing to the world that you’re happy, because you’re not exactly happy, there are still some space left between being neutral and being happy. It’s as if there is a threshold to overcome in order to announce an emotion as it is; or to make an emotion “official” at that circumstance.
Engaging in artistic activities e.g. dancing, singing, acting or even writing and drawing will bring out that emotional part in you. I will consider taking dance lessons in my dreams. I really like dancing!
I imagine the things I’m gonna do after all is done. Maybe I will blog properly in a cool cafe drinking artisan coffee trying to act cool. Or maybe I otaku at home, learn how to carve rubber stamps, read a lot, avoid virtual connection. But one thing I have to do is reorganise myself. This event organising stint has been eating up almost of me, I need to recover them back.
See you next week maybe heee. Meanwhile I saw this on Pinterest.